We are not alone

When I was a child, I was left alone a lot. This is not appropriate, to be left alone as a child. And so I learned the habit of melancholy. I did not know that I was suffering from loneliness. But I felt bereft. This accompanied me as a background emotional mood for many years, way into adulthood.

I used to think that the Philippines was a melancholy place. That the countryside especially, was a place of sad memories, of unrequitted yearnings, of absences, of something wished for that could not be.

Today I have figured out that I was picking up the vibrations of a lot of lives, whether past or present, that were sending messages in the quantum soup. Yes, there were beings that had felt those emotions, and had left their traces there, and I was sensitive so I picked them up. I thought they were my own feelings, and I did have similar feelings (this was why I had a vibration that matched and why I was receptive). But when I learned to recognize what had happened in my land, and I realized that yes, there had in fact been many lives, generations, of souls that wept, that suffered wrenching loss, who dreamed and lived the bitterness of seeing the destruction of their dreams...and all those sentiments had been left behind in the earth, the land absorbed them and continued to irradiate them -- then I understood: ah, it isn't just my own, but I am sensing the past, I am sensing other lives, and so ... I was no longer alone.

And because I was a sensitive, it meant that I could do something with what I was sensing. I could, in fact, contribute to the resolution of so much disembodied sorrow, or left-behind heartbreak.

Because this is all it was, really. The souls who had left were no longer in that state. They had transcended and were at peace. They were attending soul university in the other dimensions.

However, there probably are a lot of souls too who couldn't let go of their loss, of their pain, and they are in a limbo and still attached to the scene of their misfortunes and tragedies.

I'm not one of those people who have the gift of telling souls who are trapped in this dimension: go now, you are dead, you are suffering here for nothing, you must continue your evolution. Go to Christ and put your trust in His love, he will free you.

No...at least, not the last time I checked.

The nice thing about age, is that you become wise to the fact that the outer guises of life are but one small part of existence. You can get into the dimension of the unseen, but strongly felt. You can start to navigate in subtler spaces of existence, in what I call "the invisible"; the "other side of the Veil".

We are creatures of many dimensions, and we can travel through many more dimensions than we suspect. Our dumbed-down, materialistic, left-brain-obsessed world is very poor in this sense, and also very tyrannical and abusive. It doesn't let us see past the bars of our dog kennel conditioning.

But we aren't dogs. We even mistreat dogs, and dogs have incredible sensitivities that we ought to have more respect for.

I can say that my life has been a long, slow liberation from sorrow. That sorrow was energy, polarized negatively (meaning: stuck, vibrating slowly, low-frequency) as a result of generational traumas and stunting of the collective spirit that I was heir to.

Key to my liberation was changing my physical context and moving toward freedom and happiness, even if I did it subconsciously and therefore, going around in circles and making mistakes. But there was nothing else to do, and the most important thing I did do right: I acted with purity of intention.

I did have to leave the Philippines, I did have to pursue my "American Dream" in the U.S. And I did have to leap into the void, leaving the U.S. and coming to Chile.

Very young (age 19) I knew that my north was not to become a professional and build a life of stability and conventional comfort. I was too profoundly disturbed by the incoherence and enslavement to appearances and the hewing to a tightly controlled script that was rife in my social milieu.

I was right. My instincts were right: there was something going on that was very strange, that was the product of a great distortion and a collective self-betrayal.

What could I do about discovering the roots of something I could not even understand, by becoming a businesswoman, or a doctor, or an engineer or a happy housewife?

No, none of these things was an option. I was drowning in my spirit. I had to figure out something that no one could guide me even toward formulating. I was deeply disturbed. So I broke free. I said: I want to live a genuine existence. I want to be with others who like myself want to be authentic.

This meant turning my back on my origins and starting a new life from zero.

Many years and many life changes later, I see that I had to do what I did, and I am glad.

I did discover the roots of my malaise. I did face very difficult realities and discoveries. But all I did was look Truth in the face. Truth to me is very comforting because She is coherent, consistent, and, like a real diamond, beautiful in her clarity and symmetry.

Psychotic behavior is the opposite: always shifting, never transparent, concealing layer upon layer of prevarication and deceit. Seductive, chameleon-like, chimerical. And finally destructive.

Truth often demands destruction of what is non-organic, what is diseased, deformed. But once you have obeyed, peace comes, and you can build with solid materials that will withstand all tests.

I prefer a life that may be unstable and changing on the outside, but that is absolutely grounded on the inside. A life not defined by limitations and constraints imposed by fear of change or loss, but by the possibilities of transformation.

Even today I walk a tightrope; but I have realized that what holds us up -- even those of us who worship at the altar of outward certainty, of social recognition and professional fulfillment, believing that we are in full control of our destiny and that our safety is unassailable – is something whose grandeur, complexity and utter indifference to our small ambitions and triumphs, escape our ken.

And I trust in it and love it. I now am certain that I am beloved by it, and recognized. I have in fact found the way to sustain a running dialog with it. It has been the only thing in my world that can contain everything and comfort me with the vastness of its containment.

It is my experience of God, of the Divinity. And because it is not in any thing, not in any manifestation of external human life, but it spoke and speaks to me in my inner world, in dreams, in intuitions, in a space I can only call soul space, soul world – it is within. The key to feeling and beginning to communicate with it, is inside, in the true Self, in the Witness. And so the Divine is within. A within that is not personal, and that is of us all, that belongs and pertains to and contains us all.

It is the Unity Grid. Cosmic Intelligence. Adam Kadmon.

What does this have to do with the sorrow, with the reverberations of failed and destroyed dreams and lives that I had internalized while very young, that I sensed in the landscape of childhood and early youth?

It is the medicine, it is the key to realization, insight and integration of all human pain and loss. Of -- in a word -- Death.

You find peace when you realize where you come from, and that you never left, that wherever you are is where you need to be, and that you walked the long path back to yourself, and to your Spirit Home.

The Spirit is not in any one land, any one story or nation. The Spirit is the All.

Once you enter in the Spirit, then you know that you simply have to Be. It takes away the burden of being human, and you can simply be human and live whatever your life asks you to live next, but in fusion with Spirit and, therefore, at rest. A dynamic rest, to be sure, and the changes if anything only accelerate. But it’s being lifted up by a huge jet, by a power that lifts you up. It is exhilarating, it is a moving so fast that you seem stationary.

It must be being in the 5th Dimension, in 5th Density. It is being ruled, and nourished, and transported by Light.

Yep, this is what I longed to find. This was the lakaran I was asking my self to undertake, even before I knew how to speak in words.